HURTBEAT

            But that’s my tradegy the train left, but my heart stayed there….. 1

            ….But before I die ,I have this last wish of mine ! A dream,an old dream! I would have no regreats to even die
            hundered times after this. A dream ,YES A DREAM!
  
            Long time ago when I was going to my grandma’s house I was on a train . I don’t remember much but from what I
            can recall is this- I was young and was enjoying my ride like everyone else but then I saw a view from the
            window , a view that touched my soul and heart in thousand ways that I can’t even expalin. My eyes were so
            stunned to see those beautiful scenes .I can see those beautiful mountains and clouds playing with each other.
  
            And then a small town that resided close to those mountains. It was as if those mountains were protecting the
            town with closed arms. I can see the beauty of the town- small buildings looking like the boxes of the
            matchsticks,small beautiful temples,schools,streets,trees and then the whole scene together with the mountain
            and the climate. The climate was so peaceful and cold yet gave the warmth .The sky was still with no movements
            just like a pound but the clouds moved just like those ripples.I was so much mesmerized by that view and for
            the first time I experienced something different ,something else other than usual happiness or pleasure. It
            gave me a sensation of joy that flashed to my inward eye.That scene always gave me bliss in my solitude and
            fills me.
  
  
            So therefore I had this dream or desire for so long to visit that place once in my life time and get a chance
            to feel it compelety . I want to go and stay and breath life in and out. I want to go on the terrace of a
            building in the morning with one cup of tea in my hand and then just stand and see the view of those mountains
            up there and then open my arms and be forever lost in that blissful state. 2
  
            But that’s my tradegy the train left, but my heart stayed there…..
            When I opened my eyes , I was in a hospital.
  
            There was a total failure in the working of my heart.
            I was in hospital for many months and then when no options were left they gave me a TAH- total artificial
            heart !
            I don’t know how much time is left for me but till today I just hope that somday I can feel the heart beat
            again in that place ,just once and then I don’t care !
  
            AHH…I think the lift started again…finally after one hour.
            Yes I guess.
            What do you mean?
            I am sorry but I have to be honest ! I knew that you will not give me your time so I had to do this.
            You mean it was your plan to stuck me here in the lift and take some stupid interview ?Don’t you have any
            sense?
            Please Sir don’t be angry! But this is the truth .I requested you many times through my letters,mails but you
            did not agree. So I had only this option left.I admired you and your writing very much.They really really
            inspired me a lot.It is my dream to work under you and learn from you. Please sir ,please accept me as your
            intern or assistant. I also know to make a super tea ,you will really like it
  
            .
            JUST STOP!!! 3
            Now listen girl. I left writing or publishingSo you are wasting your time here with me,stop following me and
            go somewhere else .
            Why?
            Because now I have no heart in it!!!
  
            Why are you smiling?Aren’t people supposed to frown after hearing this story or give some empathy?
  
            ..Yeah people do that .But I think you got something which doesn’t require a heart I guess . you got A DREAM.
  
            Give me your hand and feel my heart beat. Can you feel the beats and the rhythms ? Those beats are of
            excitement,fear,anxiety nervousness,hesitations,pressure,desire and various other emotions.
  
            Many people have heart but it doesn’t beat that strongly for anything .But you still got that beat !
            You still have all of that. You still have the beat inside you for your dreams!!! And who said a heart is
            important for a heart beat??
            May be people who do have a heart says that?
            Sir ,please try to understand..
            Acually I have to go somewhere ,it’s important we will talk about that later okay..
            [it’s raining..]
            Auto??....
            Sir if you don’t mind I can drop you?
            You have a car?
            Yeah!
            Fine…
  
            Actually it’s not my car it’s my friend . She is not here right now so I 4 borrowed it
            I see..
            Where do you want to go sir?
            GRAVEYARD!!
            Why??????
            I have to meet someone..
            Okay..
            We arrived.
            Sir ?
            You don’t have to come after me. I just come here on this day every year to offer some flowers and spend some
            time with someone.
            With whom?
            Someone special..
            She is right there . She for whom my heart used to beat differently .
            Was she your wife sir?
  
            Will it make a difference?
            But…
            We loved each other but I guess this world has conspired something else for us .
            It was my struggling days when on a random day I get to know that she was married and where, when ,how I
            didn’t know anything?
            This was how it worked those days. I tried everything I could but it was useless. Maybe she has also accepted
            her fate. And then I just wished her all the happiness but then after few years she returned on a random day……
            But this time she was not on a bridal carriage but in a coffin.
            People said many thing that she committed sucide because of dowry issure or her in laws forced her and his
            husband…
  
  
  
            But when she returned it at least gave me a hope !!! I was not lonely anymore. You see at the end she came for
            me ,she is with me...even after the end…she is.. 5
            (crying…)
            YOUR EYES…………
            I am sorry!
            Sir??
            You can join from tommorow.(leaving)
            ..Good Morning sir..
            Yeah! Here are the areas where you have to improve ….
            I went through all of your work last night
            It’s good ..you got the potential , but to be a writer you need something more..something else …
            Like what sir?
            How can I explain….?
  
            “if it doesn't come bursting out of you in spite of everything,
            don't do it…unless it comes unasked out of your heart and your mind and your mouth and your gut, don't do
            it.if you have to sit for hours staring at your computer screen or hunched over your typewriter searching for
            words,don't do it.if you're doing it for money or fame,don't do it.unless it comes out of your soul like a
            rocket,unless being still would drive you to madness or suicide or murder,don't do it.unless the sun inside
            you is burning your gut,don't do it.when it is truly time,and if you have been chosen,it will do it by itself
            and it will keep on doing it until you die or it dies in you.there is no other way.and there never was”
            These are the words of Charles Bukowsi… I guess I will leave you with that . Mean while I have some to-do list
            for you,complete and then leave.We have long way to go..
  
  
            Why are you staring? You have something to say? 6
            No sir…where are you going?
            For my routine check-up..
            …Who was that girl I saw you other day?
            Oo that’s my assistant ..
            I guess you never kept one
            Yeah..but I don’t know why but …her eyes..reminds me of(lost)
            What?
            Nothing…
            Doc? Is everything alright? I guess you will say –“I have some good news and some bad news right”?
            No..i don’t have any good news..
            It means it’s bad..
            That could be still better..
            Then?
            You see I know you from a fairly long time and I never saw someone this much chill with conditions so complex?
            You will never will.. I guess that’s why my publisher are still upset with me
            Can you please be serious now I have to tell something?
            What? …
            Sir you came back? How was your report ? Is everything fine? I completed all the tasks and…
            Listen take this…
            Ahh..A Competition!!!!
            But I am not ready..
            We have some days..it’s one of the biggest competion and literally a career making one..many publisher have
            the eyes on the winner
            I want you to go fot it..
  
  
            But … 7
            SHUT UP!! There’s no but here….you don’t know when you will have with no options left with you. Life is not so
            beautiful it’s fucking cruel at times when it bring you down to your knees ,crushes your ego,confidence and
            esteem . And then you just have to see the whole things fall apart with your hands tied and wait helplessly to
            even finish what little had remained after that…and then you can’t do anything .
            So look towards me do this is it…you only have now!! Please understand 14 days later……………
            Sir?
            Yeah …let’s go..
            [raining]
            That’s the place..park there!
            I have only one umbrella..i will accompany you till the gate..
            By the way I am sorry for my behaviour past few days..you see ..
            Sir why don’t you look towards me ,in the eyes? You always turn around while talking..
            No it’s not like that..it just that..your eyes..looks like..Nothing..we don’t have time now !! Look this is
            your dream right?It’s right there go and take it ..grab it with both your hands! !
            Sir what about your dream? That place?
            Oohh..yeah that place! That dream!! May be later?
            (Staring)Okay ! I promise we will go together after this okay?
            Right now it’s your dream there..take your hands and feel your heartbeats…how’s that? …
            It’s fast?
            And Alive!!!
            Ride on that beats!!You are on then!All the best!
            By the way sir when we will meet we will find your heartbeat also!
  
  
  
            LUB..DUB..LUB…DUB..LUB…DUB…LUB..DUB…. 8
            What’s this? Have I heard this sound before?Is this??
  
            Ahh…ah..What?...Where am i?
            So you are awake?
            Doc?? What’s happening?
            Rest now ..i will tell you everything..
            I can’t remember…ohh yeah I left her for the competition!!But what happened after that..
  
            You see..as I told you earlier in your report that you had less time now ,your machine gave up and you need a
            healthy heart very fast .
            Then?
            I guess you got one?
            What??
            Yeah..it’s there??...i can’t belive it…really..i got a heart!!.i got it??
            But how?? Who??
  
            You need to come with me?
            Where ?
            In my car
            Where’s your car?
            Just here !! ..there it is..
            Ohh..wait a minute !! it’s your? NO ! it’s her..!We used to go together with it. She said that it was of her
            friend….
            You see..I am that friend..
            Doc??? You knew her? Where is she? And what about her competition??
            SHE WON!!
  
  
  
            My name is …. I will write it later….Today my dream of coming to this place came true! Yes my long dream of
            discovering this place and coming to the center of it, on this terrace with mountains behind and one cup of
            tea ,cold weather, fog,mist and this different smell in the air . At the end this all I wanted! To experience
            this place alive and seeing this beauty and living it completely …But it was all possible because I got a
            heart and let me tell you a sceret it does beat!!! But who doanted their heart to me?................IT WAS
            HER! 9
            …..SHE WON!!
            Wow that’s amazing! I am so happy for her! I knew it ..yes!!!
            Actually She…
            You see…I knew that she got it..She got that beats in her writing as she used to say..And that stupid girl
            told me she will find mine.
            Her life…
            And you know what now I am planing to go to that place before these heartbeats ..
            ……. Her..life…
            And you know….WHAT????????
            ….SHE LOST!!!
            (crying)
            There is something for you in that car…go!..(opens the car and sitting beside the driver seat where she used
            to sit.A letter was there!!)
            HELLO MR HURTBEAT !!!
            I promised you right the next time we meet we will find your heartbeat..?? you see we did!! Yes It’s my heart
            right there. Now touch it and feel the beats all over again …
            You remember that day you we went to that graveyard where you brokedown over that grave .I know that you may
            have felt little off that day?
  
  
  
            Guess what it was same for me!! That grave was not unknown to me. I knew that grave and how could I not ? How
            could a daughter forgets her mother? Yes it was my mother’s grave . I am her daugther.My mother died when I
            was a child. I don’t recall much but it was terrifying ! But my mother used to protect me and loved me till
            the very end. What I remember clearly was whenever I was ill she used to read some stories to me and that
            always worked magically for me . One day I asked her whose stories are these and she replied It is of a man
            who doesn’t have a heart as it belongs here..right here... Little did I know then that your heart belongs to
            her.Time passed ..somehow life favoured me and I came here and found you through your stories and writings!!!
            The brutal reality as you said is this that life knocks you down suddenly.That’s what happened when I was born
            – That illness! And now I don’t have much time..But you know why I came because your stories,your work ..gave
            me life and inspired me ,uplifted me and gave me a reason to be alive!! I told everything to your doctor and
            he agreed to help me and fullfil my last wish. I knew exactly how many days were remaining ..that day was my
            final day when we meet and i promised you to get your heartbeats back. My time has came, so take my heart and
            hopefully it will fit you as your doc also said but I am sure it will work and why will it not my Mother has
            taken literally nine months to make it !!!!! This time it will not break!! And I dare you not to break
            it!Charles Bukowsi will also see my work there don’t worry about that but What I will leave you with this that
            Time may be cruel or beautiful but our heartbeats continue to beat even if there is heart or not …what it
            requires is a LIFE INSIDE!!! -Sneha (daughter of late nisha/student of Mr hurtbeat who knows my eyes!)
            ..My name is …. I will write it laer…. ……. ….. …… IT WAS HER..
            ..This is the place where I will live till every end and I will write every stories,every journals ,every work
            but the name will end with her as she is the one here always in the heart and but these beats hurts!!!
            So the name on every cover,every page ,every book is Sneha.(the bravest girl)